Am I with the Wrong Person if We Fight All the Time???

I just left a session with a couple where the wife broke down in tears, worried that maybe they weren't "supposed" to be together because they fight all the time and their relationship is pretty toxic. I answered honestly...I have no idea if they are "supposed" to be together....only they can decide that; however, fighting is not necessarily a sign that you're with the "wrong person." Rather, it's a sign that you each trigger the other constantly and suggests that you apparently don't have the right tools yet to self-soothe all the anxiety and anger getting triggered and resort to very destructive communication patterns. 

If you're in a highly conflictual relationship, I'd like to offer this reframe for your situation:

NO ONE besides a partner (and sometimes a parent) will EVER be able to trigger you the way your partner can. No one. We are able to present highly functioning faces at work, school, sports, with friends, etc. However, a partner gets to see the very best AND the very worst of ourselves. Instead of getting angry for your partner triggering you, I'd recommend shifting into a place of GRATITUDE and see them as a gift, a "noble friend," shining the spotlight onto the hidden places buried deep inside that still need to be healed. Without that spotlight shining, you wouldn't know the dormant wounded parts inside that still need your attention to grow. If you could make that shift inside and genuinely see your partner there to trigger your GROWTH, the level of conflict will DRAMATICALLY shift and decrease. Learn how to embrace conflict for your own good! Give it a try and see what happens!